Body Image Myths: If you don’t fit in the gay scene, it’s your body’s fault.

Welcome back to my Body Image Myths series — where we unpack the beliefs that shape how we see ourselves, and replace them with something truer, kinder, and more grounded.

Hey everyone — Jon here.
Today we’re diving into a myth that hits close to home for a lot of folks:
“If you don’t fit in the gay scene, it’s your body’s fault.”

I hear this one often — sometimes said quietly, sometimes said with pain, sometimes said like it’s a simple fact.
But here’s the truth:
When you feel like you don’t fit into the mainstream gay scene, it’s almost never because something is wrong with your body. It’s because something is broken in the culture.

The broader gay community has long upheld narrow beauty standards: be young, be lean, be muscular, be polished, be desirable in a very specific way. And when a culture rewards only a single type of body, everyone outside that mold is left wondering, “Is it me?”

Let me be very clear:
No — it’s not you. It’s the standard that’s the problem.

And labels? Twink, jock, daddy, bear, cub, otter — they can be helpful for some people. They can give language to identity and a sense of belonging. But when the labels start to feel like boxes instead of invitations, when they add pressure instead of comfort, then it’s okay to step outside them. You don’t need to fit neatly into anything to be valid, lovable, or visible.

Even within the bear community — which was built in part as a response to exclusion — we still see hierarchies. Certain bodies get more attention, more visibility, and more praise.
Check the ads for most bear events: it’s usually white, muscled, conventionally attractive bears front and center.
Look at social media and dating apps: the same patterns repeat.

It can feel exhausting, discouraging, even dehumanizing at times.

But here’s the piece I want you to take with you:
Your worth is not determined by how well you fit into someone else’s idea of “the scene.”
You are not a category. You are not a trend. You are not a body type.
You are a whole human being with depth, humor, history, softness, strength, desire, and complexity.

Your body is not the barrier.
The standards are the barrier.
And they can — and should — be challenged.

There is space for you.
There are people who see you.
There is community that welcomes you without asking you to shrink, change, or fit in a box.

And if you’ve ever felt like you don’t belong, please hear this:
You are not the problem. The culture just hasn’t caught up to your humanity yet.